Monday, 11 September 2017

Having a routine is great for my mental health


I think that a lot of people may consider that having lots of excitement in your life would be best for your mental well-being - having something to look forward to, like a holiday, or something exciting and exhilarating like a skydive to bring your endorphin levels up. And all of those things are important, but I have found that having a routine has actually been one of the best things for my mental health.

I guess the mundane parts of life could, quite possibly, make someone depressed if they really did not enjoy their job. However I have found that having a routine and having to get up to go to work has really helped me. I am sleeping better than I ever have since I left school, and I've got into a routine that I really enjoy. I go to bed at a similar time every night (ahem, about 9.30pm...) and I have my relaxing time in the evenings just chilling in my flat, when I'm not socialising with friends. I also have my morning routine perfected and I usually make my lunch the night before and plan my outfits ahead, which really helps to make the mornings easier for a self-confessed night owl.

I also feel like I've got a purpose to get up for in the mornings, and I generally have not struggled to get myself into work. I'm also not too ashamed to admit that I quite enjoy the mundane parts of being an adult - cleaning my flat, washing my clothes, changing my bed sheets. I'm sure that will probably wear off quite soon, but I've found that I've really worked out what sort of time and which days is best for me to complete these tasks, and when I've planned ahead like that I really don't mind doing them.

I'm not saying that I don't want some excitement in my life, because I really do find that is good for my mental health too. But on a day-to-day basis, having a routine has been really great for me and has especially helped me get into a decent sleeping pattern. I think the fact that I'm enjoying my job has really helped, as I don't dread waking up the next day. It's just really nice to wake up in the mornings with a purpose, knowing that I'm going to help someone that day in one way or another :)
You will be amazed at how things fall magically into place once you let go of the illusion of control.
#projectsmile



Sunday, 3 September 2017

How I'm managing my mental health as a doctor


One of the things that I was worried about when I started working as a doctor was how I was going to manage my mental health. I knew that I would be working long hours and have some difficult situations to deal with, and I wasn't sure how I was going to cope with that. As a student I struggled to do a 5 day week, so I was really apprehensive about the weeks that I would have to work for 8 days in a row.

However, amazingly, my mental health has been so good recently. Work has given me a focus that I haven't had before and has got me into a routine, which in turn has really helped my sleeping pattern and meant that I actually get to sleep fairly quickly after getting into bed. I also haven't struggled too much with getting up in the mornings and going to work, even on my 7th or 8th day in a row, as I know that I need to be in and I have a purpose that I didn't necessarily have as a medical student. I am enjoying being part of a team and having responsibilities, and that really helps me to get out of bed in the mornings.

My depression has always been high-functioning, and my mental health has always been better when I am busy and have a focus - for example, around exam time. I think being a doctor is possibly the perfect career for me because I am constantly busy and don't have much time to think about other things - plus helping others makes me feel great and I have enjoyed most days at work so far.

The harder days at work are those when I lose one of my patients or when we are short-staffed. Thankfully I haven't actually had any of my patients pass away so far, but one of them that I looked after for quite a while and had become quite attached to had to be transferred to another hospital, and that was quite an emotional day. I think it's quite good to have normal human emotions in these situations as it means you care about your patients, but at the same time you have to remain professional and strong in front of the patient. When I got home that evening I ended up crying to my mum, but I managed to stay composed in front of the patient and tried to do my job as best I could. There have, however, been quite a few days when there are a lack of doctors in my team in and that means that my work load is much higher, and those days have been hard. I had one of those days halfway through an 8 day week and was so tired that I got slightly upset in front of one of my seniors as I just felt like I needed to go home, but she was very understanding and helped me to work through my emotions.

I guess the most important thing is that I haven't felt depressed for the past month that I've been working as a doctor. I have had a few days where I have been upset, but that is completely different to feeling depressed and was a normal human emotion to some bad days at work. I've found that getting enough sleep has really helped me to function (I really notice it the next day if I've had less than 8 hours!), and I've also had lots of evenings to myself to just chill, eat food and watch Netflix. I have really enjoyed living by myself because it has given me the freedom to have time on my own when I need it, but also have friends over whenever I feel like I need more support or just want some company.

The most important things that are maintaining good mental health for me at the moment are lots of sleep, good food, relaxing evenings, seeing friends socially and chats to my mum. So far I'm really enjoying my life as a doctor - it is hectic sometimes but I wouldn't have it any other way!
No one has the right to judge you, because no one really knows what you have been through. They might have heard the stories, but they didn't feel what you felt in your heart.
#projectsmile



Monday, 28 August 2017

A life catch up



Soooo... Long time no blog!

I haven't blogged for quite a long time and it's purely because I've been so exhausted and haven't had the motivation to log on here and write. I worked 8 days in a row last week and the thought of getting home and blogging really wasn't very attractive.

Work is still going well and I'm still enjoying it, but I have been really tired recently. I love being part of a team and having responsibilities, and I also enjoy being busy, but there are some more difficult parts of the job, such as losing patients and the long hours. Last weekend I worked 8am-9pm and didn't have a break all day - I didn't even get time to go to the toilet!

I'm still getting into the swing of my new lifestyle and I'm not quite sure where my blog fits into that yet. I feel like I hardly have any time to myself, let alone to sit down and write about how I'm feeling. I do want to continue to blog because I love it and it has helped me out a lot in the past, but I also don't want the pressure of feeling like I have to sit down and write every day like I used to do, because that's when I start to fall out of love with blogging.

Expect more blog posts from me in the future - but just not too frequently!

Oh and if you're wondering where the cute dinosaur planter is from, I got it from Morrisons and it was only £5. You're welcome.
The comeback is always stronger than the setback.
#projectsmile



Tuesday, 15 August 2017

A much better day

Today has been 2896987587x better than yesterday!

As we had already completed the ward round with our patients yesterday, we were much more aware of their needs and what we needed to provide for them, so that made today's ward round much quicker. We also had completed a lot of tasks for those patients yesterday, especially the more sick ones or those that would be going home soon, so we had less work to do today.

And I managed to take blood from a patient with fairly difficult veins, which made me feel much better about the whole blood taking situation!

We were able to finish the ward round with plenty of time for lunch (and a quick pep talk from the F2 on my team), and I found that my jobs were done and the list was updated by about 3.30pm. Which left me time to be able to help my fellow F1s out with their jobs, and still leave just after 5pm. It was overall a much easier and more satisfying day than yesterday.

But the best part of my day was probably when I was walking out of the hospital to get to my car. An excited/nervous new dad was on the phone shouting "THE BABY IS COMING!!!" and it made me smile so much - it reminded me of the best parts of my job and why I love medicine so much, which is exactly what I needed after yesterday.

Hannah x

Monday, 14 August 2017

Sometimes I question why I chose to become a doctor

On days like today, when I seemed to be working for hours on end and everything went wrong and nothing went right, I question why I chose to become a doctor.

Today both of our seniors were away so myself and another junior doctor had to do a ward round to see all of our patients. Some of these patients were quite unwell, and as we are junior we didn't feel comfortable managing them by ourselves. Everything took that little bit longer because we were checking and double-checking everything, as we didn't have our seniors to rely on. Then I had to go and take blood and I missed three times, which was so frustrating. By this point it was 3pm and I hadn't had chance to even think about lunch - by the time I was able to grab a sandwich I had to sit at a computer to write a discharge letter while I was eating it. Everything just seemed to take a long amount of time, and I felt like I didn't even get a minute to go to the loo or have a drink (until my pounding headache reminded me that I had a bottle of squash in my bag). I ended up finishing about 6.15pm, which wasn't as bad as it could have been, but I still ended up doing a 10 and a half hour day. To sum it all up, it was a very long, difficult day that I don't wish to repeat any time soon!

Sometimes I think about quitting and getting a normal 9-5 job, where I know I could leave at 5pm on the dot and not have to worry about work afterwards. Sometimes I am really envious of my friends and family that have 'normal' office jobs and are able to lead a separate personal and professional life. Medicine becomes a lifestyle that you cannot easily escape when you are a doctor, and sometimes I resent that.

It's days like today that I have to reflect on the positive aspects of my job. The reason I'm a doctor is because I wanted to help people, I love learning, and it just seems to fit to my personality and who I am. When I started medical school everything just seemed to fall into place, and I knew it was the right career for me. And I do love it. Most days the job satisfaction is incredible, especially when I feel like I've really made a difference to a patient or their family. Even if that's just being able to get them home quickly or sort out their first meal after an operation.

I always knew that being a doctor would bring really difficult days, but I guess I could never prepare myself for how hard it could sometimes get - and I bet today wasn't half as bad as some of the days I will face in the future. Today I felt like I was letting the patients and my team down, even though I was working to the best of my abilities. I did feel like having a little cry when I was in the treatment room gathering all of the equipment together to try and take blood yet again!

But I got through it, and I know that tomorrow will probably be a better day. After all, I am still learning a lot of things, and skills like blood taking will just come with practice.

Hannah x

Friday, 11 August 2017

How I'm coping with my new doctor lifestyle


If you are a regular reader of my blog you may know that I started my first job as a doctor a couple of weeks ago. As you can imagine, it has been quite exhausting. But I have really enjoyed it so far and haven't found it too difficult - although I think that's partly due to a few adjustments to my lifestyle. I thought I would share them with you, as they are probably applicable to most people that work full-time!

SLEEP
The biggest coping strategy for me has been getting plenty of sleep. Some days I have been going to bed as early as 8.30pm as I have been getting up around 6.30am to be in the hospital for 8am. I think my optimum sleeping time is probably 10 hours, but obviously that's not feasible most nights as I would hardly have any time after work in the evenings, so I try and get at least 8 hours of sleep each night. I really notice it the next day if I don't and find it really hard to get up. This is a big lifestyle change for me as I am such a night owl and usually stay up until 2 in the morning if I don't have to be up the next day, so I've had to get myself into a proper sleeping routine. I have been so exhausted after work that I've actually found it easier than I thought I would!

TAKE BREAKS
Whilst at work I am sometimes so overwhelmed by the amount of jobs I have to do that I'm tempted to work through my lunch break, and often don't even make time to have a drink or go to the loo. The past few days I have realised that this isn't good for me and I can't let my health suffer, so I have made sure that I have taken breaks and listened to what my body needs. One of my colleagues can cover for me for a few minutes, and I need food whilst I'm working long days.

EAT WELL
Following on from the point above, I have also realised that I need to eat a decent amount of food to keep me going throughout the day. I make sure that I get up early enough to have breakfast (otherwise I really suffer during the morning), and I always have something with carbs in it at lunch to keep me going through the afternoon. As a junior doctor we are on our feet a fair amount, and I have found myself frequently rushing between wards and up and down stairs, so I need decent nutrition to fuel all of that energy. Not to mention the fuel to keep my brain working all day!

PLANS
Another thing that keeps me going through the week is having things to look forward to. I have got a fair few things planned over the next few weeks and that really helps me to push through when I'm really tired and feel like I need a day off. Sometimes I also just look forward to a day of doing nothing! My consultant told me that I should have something exciting planned every 6-8 weeks, and use my annual leave wisely, as this will really help me to get through the long weeks at work.

PLANNING MY OUTFIT
Another thing I have felt that has really helped is planning my outfit the night before, so that I have an extra 5 minutes in the morning to sleep or relax. I have also really enjoyed dressing professionally for work, so planning my outfit for the next day actually becomes quite an enjoyable thing to do each evening.

KEEPING IN CONTACT WITH FRIENDS/FAMILY
I am now living on my own in my flat, so it's really important for me to see my friends and family in my spare time (and not become a hermit like I'm sometimes tempted to do when I'm so tired!). I have made sure that I have seen a couple of friends each week, and I have also had phone calls with some of my friends and family too. I find that it really helps to talk to them about my day at work and have a bit of company - and also someone to talk about non-work things with. Sometimes, as much as I love it, I just need to escape medicine for a few hours!
Failure is only the opportunity to begin again, only this time more wisely.
#projectsmile



Thursday, 10 August 2017

You've got to do what makes you happy


I have always been a people pleaser and worried about what other people think about me. That has sometimes come in the way of my happiness, as in the past I have done things that I didn't necessarily want to do, just to make others happy. Even if that was just going out when I needed a night in, or bigger life-changing decisions that brought about a change that I wasn't happy with.

More recently I have started to realise that I need to do what makes me happy. Happiness gurus are constantly preaching about being more selfish and making more time for number one - and it's so true, as I don't think you will ever truly be happy unless your own wants and needs are satisfied. I've started to turn down more social invitations, as sometimes I just simply need a night in by myself. But I've also found myself feeling less awkward about asking people to spend time with me, as I am not so worried about them turning me down. I also think that I value myself more since I have started to put myself first in more situations, so I realise that people probably do actually want to spend time with me and be my friend (rather than me being insecure about friendships when I was going through depression).


I also feel like I have really got to know myself more since I have allowed myself to do things that truly make me happy. I know what I want and need from life, and the sort of people that I want to surround myself with. I have also been more adventurous as I have allowed myself to explore more things in life - such as skydiving, long travelling trips away from home, and even just simple things like trying new foods.

I've found that turning down social invitations hasn't affected my friendships - in fact I've realised that it's a totally normal and often necessary thing to do. Everyone gets unwell, everyone gets tired, everyone has problems, and everyone needs their own space from time to time. Life gets in the way sometimes, and most people are understanding of that - if they're not I guess are they really a great friend to have around? Surround yourself with those that are supportive of you and your choices, and who love you just the way you are. And if they cancel on you, remember that they most likely have a perfectly valid excuse and it doesn't mean that they don't care about you.

And I guess the most obvious effect of this new-found life motto is that I really do feel happier. I'm more comfortable in my own skin, able to say 'no' easier, and I have more to talk about. I like myself more and I like the person that I am becoming each time I make a decision, whether it's about what to eat tonight or where in the world to visit next.

Take time to get to know what you want from life and what makes you happy - and respect yourself enough to be able to go after that. I promise you that you'll be so much more content for it.
What if I told you that everything is meant to shatter first -
And that your best life begins when you stop worrying about picking up the pieces,
And start building something new instead.
Would you continue staring at broken glass?
Learn to recycle.
                                 - Wine and Words
#projectsmile