This morning I woke up feeling fairly positive about the day ahead, knowing it was Thursday and that I would be home tomorrow evening. I had teaching on how to interpret ECGs at 9am, and during that session I could feel my mood sliding. It wasn't because of the teaching, or for any particular reason, I just started feeling really fatigued and negative. I didn't have much to do in hospital this afternoon, so I came home and slept for about 4 hours, before stuffing my face with cookie dough and peanut butter ice-cream with my housemate.
It annoys me that I still have wobbles like today, and I haven't felt that low, or as upset, in weeks. I think I'm just really ready to go home and a bit fed up of medicine at the moment - this term has been a long slog, and I know it's just going to get harder on the lead-up to our final exams. Life feels very boring at the moment as everyone is just working really hard, so I'm looking forward to going home this weekend and letting off some steam.
I know that I'm not going to be perfectly well, and that I will have blips with my depression, but it reminds me how unwell I was a year ago, and how far I have come - and for that I am very grateful. I hate feeling low and having such irrational thoughts - and it scares me how easily my mood can sometimes change, for no apparent reason. I guess that's just another reason for me to stay on my antidepressants, like I discussed in my post the other day.
I am going to go to sleep with a positive mindset that tomorrow is another day, and I will hopefully have a productive morning on the psychiatric wards. And then it's the weekend and I can relax a little more - thank goodness!
Remember the days you prayed for what you have now.